Skin Tight
“I sat on the edge of her table with my hands spread out over my thighs. They looked so small. I stretched out my feet in front of me, sort of perpendicular to the table. But I couldn’t straighten out my legs. They were too heavy. I’ll never forget that moment. I realized my mind was not in control of my body. No matter how much I wanted to get thin, I couldn’t do it to myself. My insurance would pay for it, the doctor said. So I did it.”
The surgery went smoothly as did the post-operative treatment. Her stomach became so small a single cracker would fill her up. Sixteen months later she was down to a size 10. But still she wasn’t confident in her body.
“The excess skin was, is, it’s disgusting. I know this sounds harsh but my body looks like the head of a Basset Hound, at least that’s what my little niece told me. No good man’s going to be attracted to this.” She took a sip of her coffee to help herself gain composure. A bulb of tear formed in the outside corner of her eye and began to slink down her cheek towards her photos on the table.
I looked around the Starbucks to see if anyone noticed this woman radiating pain. But no. They read The New York Times, fiddled with their iPhones and tapped on their laptops. They, of course, had their own sob stories they were trying to ignore. Walker’s pain was invisible to everyone but me.
Walker can’t afford to remove the excess skin from her breasts, thighs, tummy and upper arms because these operations are considered elective, and therefore not covered by insurance. Even one of these procedures is beyond her financial ability. Six months ago, Walker lost her job. Her field, real estate office administration, was and still is nearly defunct. Walker is now living on $254 a week. “If I had a penny for every inch of skin, well I’d probably be able to afford the surgery,” she half-joked.
But, of course, that was a farcical daydream. Her back-up plan? Fill out the skin.
“I’m trying to get a little weight back on to just fill myself out. I’m still single and by god, I need to find a man. There are definitely men into overweight women. But ones with as much excess skin as I have? Not so much. I’m now aiming for a size 18. I think that would be good.” She laughed more at herself than to herself. “There are 5 shots of high-calorie syrup in this cup of coffee.”
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