Chronicles of New York

The 2010 New York City Winter Olympics, officially the XXI New York City Olympic Winter Games, is a prominent local sporting event held every four years over President’s Day weekend. The majority of the events are held on the island of Manhattan, while some of the events extend into the Bronx, Brooklyn and Queens boroughs. No events are held on Staten Island.

The Games

Ten winter sports events have been announced as part of the 2010 New York City Winter Olympics. The three sports categorized as endurance sports are: Bare-Legged, High-Heeled Outdoor Line Waiting (women only); Outdoor Smoking Endurance; and Winter Weather Advisory Cab Hailing. The four sports categorized as speed sports are: Narrow, Crowded Sidewalk Sprints; the Icy Sidewalk Relay; Snowy Subway Stair Running; and Identify/Save the Homeless Man. The two sports categorized as agility sports are Puddle Jumping and Subway Balancing, a year round event. The most anticipated sport each year is a category in and of itself: Eating. This year, contestants will devour large, hot bowls of Ramen noodle soup.

Bare-Legged, High-Heeled Outdoor Line Waiting (Women’s only)

New York’s February Fashion Week, officially called Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, inspired this endurance sport in which only the toughest fashionistas can compete. The sport is meant to replicate the circumstances of waiting outside in a long line to get into a popular club in midwinter. In this event, women in high heels, short skirts and absolutely no nylons must stand outside on a blustery sidewalk at night for as long as possible. The winner is the woman who endures the longest. In 2010, the Olympic Committee has selected a location just west of the popular Meatpacking District, on the western edge of the West Side Highway. At this location, buildings do not block competitors from the wind. As the event has evolved, competition has increased. Scores are weighted for difficulty, and as a result, the heels of the shoes have been getting increasingly high. This year it is expected competitors will wear shoes with heel height a minimum of 6 inches. No woman has won the competition in lower than 4-inch heels. Women can huddle together, but not touch each other’s legs or feet. Anyone found with a heating pad in the shoe is disqualified. The world record is held by Icelandic model Katrín Evudóttir who withstood temperatures reaching real-feel 3-degrees Fahrenheit for 13 hours. No competitors have made it until sunrise when the sun would warm the extremities and potentially give the women an advantage. The most common injury associated with the event is toe amputation.

Outdoor Smoking Endurance (Women and Men)

While some urban legends point to Fashion Week as the inspiration for this event, the real impetus was the legions of smokers standing outside office buildings. In this event competitors must skillfully differentiate between the exhalation of smoke and the exhalation of steam—an ability likely gained after years of practicing the cold-weather exhale. Those who keep exhaling beyond the point of releasing the smoke from the lungs are often handicapped by affects of hyperventilation. They are often disqualified after becoming dizzy and resting their hand on a wall or the ground for support. Another risk for disqualification is hand-numbness and inability to light the next cigarette. Rules require a lighter or match to be used, and the window between cigarettes must be under 35 seconds. The winner is the smoker who can smoke the most number of cigarettes outside without being disqualified. Construction workers have long held the advantage in the men’s competition. Secretaries have long held the advantage in the women’s competition.

Winter Weather Advisory Cab Hailing

This event incorporates speed, strategy and endurance. Competitors must withstand bitter, winter weather, choose the best position at which to hail a cab, and must get into that cab before other competitors do. This last step requires not only speed, but also strategy. If the cab isn’t able to stop near enough to the hailer, the cab could be intercepted by another competitor. The Olympic Committee chooses the intersection in Manhattan. In 2010, the committee chose the busy, four-way stop at 42nd Street and Broadway. This event has been the focus of much criticism for a few reasons. First scantily clad women have an advantage in the sport. All female, gold-medal winners have won by revealing their lingerie to the cab driver. The all-time record has been held for a decade by a woman with size triple-D breasts. On the other hand, Hispanic and African American men have a disadvantage, as cab drivers have long been wary of picking them up out of safety concerns. Only skinny, Caucasian men dressed in white-collar attire have placed in this event in the men’s competition. Groups protecting the rights of all impacted demographics protest the event on an annual basis.

Narrow, Crowded Sidewalk Sprints

New York County is the most densely populated county in the country. When sidewalks become narrowed by piles of shoveled snow, pedestrian travel requires increased agility. This event is comprised of three, block-long sprints during evening rush hour. Two of the sprints are on numbered streets and extend about 200 feet. The third sprint extends across an avenue block, approximately 1000 feet in length. Competitors must zigzag, swerve around, or hop over any obstacles in the path including other pedestrians. A participant is disqualified if he or she jumps off the sidewalk to the street or if he or she bumps into another person without stopping and saying, “Excuse me. Are you ok?” Any damage done to the street or property, including knocking over of a city garbage can or knocking off a car’s side mirror, is a deduction of points. Extra points are given to competitors carrying grocery bags or other bulky, heavy items. Extra points are no longer given to competitors carrying children, as this practice was banned after little Maggie suffered whiplash in 2007.

Icy Sidewalk Relay

After a snow storm, ice on New York City sidewalks isn’t smooth like that found on an ice rink. Rather it’s often bumpy, similar to moguls found in skiing. In this competition, teams of four run across extended patches of bumpy, New York City sidewalk ice. Cleats, crampons or Yaktrax shoe soles are not permitted. Team members must wear common-man rain or snow boots. No baton is used as in traditional track and field relays. Rather team members hand-off a “stolen” purse purchased from a local thrift store and approved by the Olympic Committee. Sidewalks used for the event are closed to the general public until the race is completed, and the sidewalk is de-iced.

More Sporting Events…

This entry was posted by Willow on Monday, February 22nd, 2010 at 1:56 pm. It is filed under On The Street and has these tags: fashion week, fiction, ice, manhattan, new york city, olympics, snow, sports, taxi cab, transportation, weather, winter. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.